Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
