happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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