my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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