wat bout pragnant strippers??
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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