the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
