Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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