Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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