don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
