I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
