I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
