Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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