Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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