You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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