Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
