You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
