everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
