Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
