my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
