I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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