I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
