i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
