my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
