At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
