So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
