do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
