i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
