No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
