Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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