No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
