hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
