I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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