Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
