Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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