You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she peed on how many people?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
