Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
