i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
