so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I love having hate sex.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We don't watch enough power rangers
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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