i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
