he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I believe in your delicious
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
