So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
