dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
