The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
