i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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