My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
