Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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