omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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