I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
