He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
