We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
