do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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