just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
