He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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