"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ketchup is God's man juice
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
