brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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