i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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