Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
