So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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