I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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