we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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