God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
