I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
